Hi everyone. I'm still alive over here.

This past week has just been one big long vicarious nervous breakdown.

But what have I learned?

I've learned that Virginia's "Hi-Tech Corridor" is a single-lane road clogged up by three slow-moving trucks. Symbolism is left as an exercise for the reader.

I've learned that Smirnoff Ice will not get you drunk, but it will give you heartburn. Someone needs to tell Comrade Smirnoff that's the incorrect adverse physical reaction to hostile substances.

I've learned that when you're driving 350 miles away from the one person you care about more than anything else, no matter what you put on, you really don't feel like singing along. And you damn sure don't feel like driving.

I hope you're ready for some football, 'cause you've got one lonesome Greek bastard on your hands.