It's freaking cold outside.

You know, the thing about Subway is that they're much more flexible than they're willing to advertise.

The menu boards list about 15-20 different types of subs. Among these are "Southwest Steak and Cheese", "Honey Mustard Turkey with Cucumbers", etc. But when you get right down to it, there's an underlying formula that lets you create a much larger number of subs. The cost of your sub depends on the base ingredient - ham, turkey, roast beef, what have you. Once that's there, you can add whatever sauces and vegetables you like.

So, to the Sandwich Artist behind the counter, the "Honey Mustard Turkey with Cucumbers" is no different than the simple "Turkey". In fact, they'll still ask you what kind of sauce and what veggies you want on it.

And there's the downside, as I see it. Tonight I noticed a sign by the counter advertising the "Hawaiian Ham". The ingredients, listed vertically, included ham, pineapple, zesty mustard, and swiss cheese.

This sounded appetizing to me, so I ordered one. The Sandwich Artist (the friendly chick with the thick-rimmed glasses and no accent) placed ham and pineapples on the bread, then looked at me expectantly. "What kind of cheese?" she prompted.

And suddenly, a whole new world opened before me. There were three types of cheese. That means not one, but three varieties of Hawaiian Ham. And I knew that once I was given equally free reign over the sauces and vegetables, that number would increase combinatorically.

And that's when the dilemma hit me. At what point does it cease to be Hawaiian Ham? If I add Southwest sauce, tomatoes, and black olives... well, surely those aren't Hawaiian toppings.

I played it safe - replaced the zesty mustard with honey mustard, but otherwise stuck to the suggested recipe. But I still could not help feeling that such a tremendous responsibility had been placed on me, being forced to create my own sandwich. Me, a simple Sandwich Patron.

What are we paying you for, Subway?