A few quick tips on how to make things epic, using Europe's "The Final Countdown" as inspirational material.

For those unfamiliar with the song, here's a quick refresher course:

...the final countdown!
(doo-doo-doo doo!
doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!
doo-doo-doo doo!
doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!)

What does this song teach us about being epic?

• Put the word "Final" before things.
• Make sure every line, including those with no lyrics, has an exclamation point at the end.
• If you're in the 80s, use a synthesizer. In the 90s, use the string section of a symphony orchestra.
• Never syncopate your riffs. Syncopation is not epic.
• Always use definite articles ("The Final Countdown"). Indefinite articles ("A Final Countdown") are not epic.

Today's my last day of work. Or rather:

...the final work day!
(doo-doo-doo doo!
doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!)

I came in at 8, so I'll be leaving at 4. Since my supervisor usually wakes up around 4:30 (after having gone to bed at 7 AM), that means that this will probably be the most anticlimactic last day of work I've ever had.

I've never ended up with anything of substance to do on my last day of work, so I rank my last days by how much fun I had goofing off. Coincidentally, they seem to decrease in rank each year.

The summer after my freshman year, my last day of work was primarily spent chatting with the two cute receptionists at the front desk. My boss took me out to lunch, and offered me a job (at a very modest salary) plus tuition to the University of Maryland if I dropped out of CMU and came to work for him. Since I was very happy at CMU, I knew I was worth more than what he was offering, and the tuition check for the next semester had already been sent in, I declined. At the end of the day, my supervisor shook my hand firmly and told me it had been a pleasure working with me. I said something epic like, "Perhaps our paths shall cross again some day." He said he was sure they would, then he put on his motorcycle helmet and rocketed off into the sunset.

Last year, I surfed the Internet for most of my last day, and played in my final office game of darts. Before leaving, I said goodbye to everyone, and they said they hoped to see me again some day.

This year I'm sitting alone in a room with four computers and a view of a big blimp in a warehouse, writing in my diary.

Maybe next year I won't even bother to come in for my last day.

My new boss (the professor I'm TAing for, hereinafter "Prof. J") responded to my e-mail last night, saying that since her co-professor is out of town, I should just show up to lecture Monday and we'll arrange a time to meet then. This is making the whole thing a little more intimidating than it needs to be - I am a bit nervous about TAing, and a baptism by fire isn't what I need.